Policy of Truth
by dimrooms
Summary: Allen finds comfort in words Kanda finally finds in him to say. Based on their current circumstances/after chapter 220. Yullen, oneshot.


In their months apart, Allen has grown. He nearly rivals Kanda in height now, and he's grown into his features a bit more, as if his tribulations as a runaway have hardened them, somehow. Allen's eyes have formed some of their own steely resilience as well - still their startling, clear shade of gray, but sharper around the edges, as if charged by an electric current Kanda finds himself inspired by each time they think themselves brave enough to look into each other's faces.

Kanda has done some of his own growing. The maturity and strength required in a bond as deep as his own to Allen had previously suffered neglect - a frightened, angry heart will do terrible things to such a tether demanded so ardently by the heart alone, especially one in such poor, recovering condition. He's embraced it now, figuring himself so close to ruin another bad decision would only bring him to his already prolonged downfall. The regret that weighs heavy on his chest compels him as well.

It's a night just before they're about to set off further into the city. Kanda has had a bit of scotch, seated with knees splayed apart on one side of the room while Allen sits on the other on a small, charming green settee. He holds a pillow to his chest and nibbles on the end of an index finger as he gazes out a darkened window. Kanda stares determinedly at his empty tumbler as he mulls over their adventures so far; their near deaths, Allen's fainting spells, Johnny's hopelessly genuine affections and concern for Allen. He can hear him now, just outside the door in the next room, busy at work mending Allen's only waistcoat and humming to himself.

Kanda gets up, meaning to serve himself another glass of scotch, but at the rattle of his glass on the silver tray… he turns around to look over his shoulder, and steels himself instead. He makes his way toward Allen, frown deepening the clearer his features grow, and quietly seats himself beside him.

"Oh," Allen lets out the tiniest sound as he watches Kanda sit down out of the corner of his eye, and his hands and gaze fall to his lap. A beat. Another. "Yes?"

Kanda cusses internally. _Fuck. Fuck me._ "Listen… beansprout," his fingers fiddle too much, so he resolves to tuck them under his arms. "You've done well."

Allen's face involuntarily turns to him, his expression one of quiet shock. He searches Kanda's profile for something to give him away, but he's as impassive as he ever is when he speaks to him in this low, serious voice. From previous experiences, he knows his eyes are dark, steady, and reflective. Allen averts his gaze for a moment and thoughtfully rolls his lips thinking about them, about his admirable strength and how it reflects handsomely on his features.

"And I can respect that. Our situation obviously isn't ideal. And it'll probably get worse before it gets better. But I can… assure you, we'll get through it in one piece." Allen turns back to face his lap, eyes quickly shiny with unshed tears. His mismatched hands fiddle atop the pillow. Kanda wrings the back of his neck with the palm of a hand before he continues, "You've got me and the kid. Everyone else is rooting for you, and would probably put their necks on the line for your scrawny ass if it came down to it. Just let us… help you."

"But it's my…" the tears spill over and his voice lowers an octave with the thickness of his tears, the emotion stuck in his throat. "But it's my burden. This whole mess is mine. You've said it yourself. It's my fault for being a Noah. I don't want to involve you, I don't want to hurt you."

Anger bubbles in Kanda's gut at that; anger at his past carelessness and inadequacy. The anger inspired by Allen's martyr complex is momentarily set on a back burner - he'll grill him for it later. The first words out of his mouth, however, are not to ask for forgiveness, or to quell any worries.

"You stupid little moron, this is my job-"

"No, listen to me, you are a very valuable asset and not someone I would want to lose!"

Silence, for another heartbeat. Another two. Allen's tears have begun to flow freely and his eyes waver across the carpet - anywhere but Kanda's face, which is turned toward him now.

"I'm an asset now?" Kanda says quietly, for the lack of anything better to say.

Allen's tone is quick and hard, "You know what I meant." He swallows and takes a quick, steadying breath, "You're a general now. Even without your life tethered to that thing, which, excuse me, really only served to make you arrogant and reckless on the field, you're skilled and reliable and if you die on my watch after saying things like that—" Allen takes in another deep breath, but this time it stutters and he nearly hates himself for it. "I'm sorry, but I can't lose you."

"I'm trying to tell you the same fucking thing." After a beat, Kanda's response comes to him in a low voice from the darker end of the settee and Allen has to - he has to look.

They're brave, now, in this moment, they both think, and truly look. The face before them flattered by candle light, the depth of cobalt and startling clarity of gray. Fat tears and pinked cheeks from the exertion of crying. Kanda's sharp, unforgiving features held in perfect stillness. Kanda leans in first, only to pause when Allen hesitates for a moment, his eyes on his lips, pillow still held impossibly tight to his chest, before he inclines his head that one hairsbreadth, and they're kissing. It's firm, full, and complete - Allen's heart soars.

Allen keeps his eyes on Kanda's lap when they part, anywhere he won't meet his gaze. In an effort to coax out any eye contact, he runs a hand through Allen's hair to tuck it behind an ear, a gentle, forgiving gesture. The door to their rented flat opens, and draws Allen's attention before darting back to Kanda. "Just remember what I said."

They part just as Theodore enters their backroom, expression gentle as Allen wipes away at his tears in an effort to compose himself. He throws the boy a small, reassuring smile that he returns gratefully.

"How about we get some sleep, boys? We'll see to everything tomorrow. We've done all we can tonight."

"Yes, sir," they both reply.

When he turns his back to them, Allen finds Kanda's hand on the couch and squeezes it gently.

* * *

Originally a small prompt left for me by tumblr user aymichyan :) You can find the link to my blog in my bio. This was very fun to write and I'm looking forward to accepting some more if anyone would like to request anything yullen.

Thank you so much for reading!


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